Memoirous

When tRump was elected I had so many sideways thoughts. One of which was: Now I’ll have to get on my bike and ride across the country. I immediately had this urge to go hide, runaway from life. The idea of dropping out was very appealing. I didn’t think I could handle the next 4 years. Mostly because I barely handled the other 4 years from 2016-2020. My world was upended by a divorce and pandemic. I did ride my bike across the country. Flashforward. Today is like reliving the past—except, I’m with family. The press of the everyday, ordinary life squeezes out the existential worry of “what if.” The baby is at a particularly tough age: always getting in to stuff, everything! Truly he would kill himself if we weren’t there to pull him off tables, small spaces he’d gotten into, pulling rocks and mulch out of his mouth. He’s old enough to walk and feed himself. He just lacks judgement, foresight, reason. Skills to keep him alive. The other grandson is learning patience, empathy, about h...

Okay, maybe it was the wedding. Last week my daughter got married, but, seriously folks, I have not gotten a lot done these past few months. When all else fails, blame it on T-rump. I owe people I love, fabulous writers, reviews of their books. There is flash articles queued up inside my head to be written. I’m also working on a sudden book—a manuscript that has lain dormant for a while and perked up suddenly asking to come to life. Then there is the other bits of life such as relationships that needed attention. Coffee conversations, birthday, etc etc. The etc is what has crowded in lately, usurping the plan. The pan being to be on top of things. Which is always going to get inconveniently interrupted. Then there’s the constant computer card playing, checking Facebook, commenting on stranger’s posts, ugh! The impeachment. The messing around before buckling down to put words on the page. I promise to be better. As I drift off to favorites: Pinterest, crazyguyona...

Today politics has gone beyond surreal. I’m not sure what words actually mean anymore. Definitely the doublespeak has to be decoded, but now the doubling-down on lies is an unbroken circle, like a snake biting its own tail/tale. As a kid I remember trying to figure out what a fascist was. How was that different from a dictator? Communism—when explained it didn’t sound so bad, then I read Animal Farm , and, again, I was confused. At first glance populism sounded great, like power to the people. Farmers in Kansas experienced a series of difficult years from the late 1880s to the early 1890s. Out of this dissension came the People's Party, a reform movement with roots across the country but particularly strong in Kansas. How could populism go wrong? Then along came Donald J. Trump, a populist candidate. He broke the mold of the established politician seasoned in rhetoric that is frustratingly accommodating to the status quo. The amount of time it takes to pass a law or...

George Carlin had a routine he did about the 7 words you can’t say on television, which prompted a Supreme Court decision concerning First Amendment rights. Under the current administration we now have a list of 7 deadly words that are being struck out of reports, erased from government websites. The forbidden words are: "vulnerable," "entitlement," "diversity," "transgender," "fetus," "evidence-based" and "science-based." Specifically the CDC, Center for Disease Control, the people who work to prevent the spread of Zika and bird flu, who fight ebola—are being told what words they can and cannot use. In the bigger scope of things I would much rather have people in place to react aggressively against the plague than those same people worrying about or busy cutting and replacing in their reports the word “fetus”. In ten years’ time that fetus will thank you, for ignoring the list and simply doing your job. ...

We’ve imbued our political parties with morals. For example, Republicans care about life. Thus, they will appoint pro life judges. Democrats care about human rights. Thus, they’ll be better at foreign policy—saying NO to Russia. Bviously this is simplified. Also obviously I have no right to write about Hannah Arendt . A brilliant thinker. This weekend I watched the movie Hannah Arendt . I knew about her peripherally like in the sense she was one of the people (émergie who fled Nazi Germany) who helped ferment The New School where my daughter went. Once I saw the movie I was able to sort her into—Oh you thought that up, that line of thinking, about the question of evil. The movie released in 2012, Hannah Arendt died in 1975. Some of her books are: The Origins of Totalitarianism (1951). Revised ed.; New York: Schocken, 2004. The Human Condition (1958) Chicago: University of Chicago Press. Eichmann in Jerusalem: A Report on the Banality of Evil (1963). (Rev. ed. New Y...

This is the phrase that keeps popping up inside my head. What does this mean? It’s a bit like pre-destination. People are either born with it or without. Despite DNA, personality, determination, physical ability. A master race is about who your parents and grandparents are. The color of your skin, the color of your eyes, the shape of your lips, nose. Growing up, even as a little kid, I knew all these distinctions who so unfair. Yet, I didn’t know what to do. I remember my father shouting at the TV, at a black football player, C’mon you spook, pick up the ball! I remember Howard Cosell, TV sports commentator, calling an African-American player a monkey. My father referred to Brazil nuts on the bridge mix as “nigger toes.” I also remember a tension rising up inside of me, an inner voice whispering: This isn’t right. No one had to tell me. Of course I was curious. Were Jews schemers? Money grabbers? I had no idea, I’d never met any. Until one day in 3 rd grade for sh...

This weekend I began reading The Sympathizer by Viet Thanh Nguyen.  It is literally the story of a sympathetic narrator. In this day and age of what sometimes feels like a civil war to read a novel from the point of view of a character living in a partitioned country and can yet understand life on both sides is truly refreshing. He puts himself into the head of a cast of characters—even the ones he has to compromise and kill in order to advance ideology. It’s complicated. Viet Thanh Nguyen recently wrote an article: "Trump Is a Great Storyteller. We Need to Be Better." 11 December 2016. This is an articulate essay written by an immigrant about the importance of words. When we allow leaders to subvert language and use rhetoric to alienate and hurt their own populations, then we have to stand up—call a lie a lie. It’s interesting that since his election, several great authors have spoken up about their fears. Aleksandar Hemon has written several pieces around...

Is there a prophet? Growing up I thought the strangest people ever were prophets. Of course, I was a strange little kid. All on my own I set out to read the Bible cover-to-cover. I also set out to read all the books in my elementary school library. I didn’t even make it through all the As. But I did manage to read all of these: A little heavy on the male hero, but that was the times! Back to Old Testament prophets.  Amos, Hosea, Micah, Obadiah, Haggai, Habakkuk. Believe me you don’t want to be these people. They were weird, boring, and pretty much friendless. They were obsessed, driven, and ridiculed. I was constantly worried that God might call me to be a prophet and I’d end up even worse off than being the middle school oddball I already was. But lately I’ve been wondering: Who will stand up to the powerful? Who will speak truth to bullies? Who is going to risk their reputation to defend the poor? Basically a prophet, someone with nothing else to lose, som...

WH officials are trying to explain the Paris Climate Agreement pull-out by saying that Trump promises a fresh approach. My guess his approach will be from a perspective of paranoia. ( Link to transcript of announcement .) What’s with that statement: The world won’t laugh at us anymore? He said: “The United States, under the Trump administration, will continue to be the cleanest and most environmentally friendly country on Earth.  We'll be the cleanest.  We're going to have the cleanest air.  We're going to have the cleanest water.” As someone who appreciates fresh approaches, I have tried to keep an open mind. Albeit, in his announcement there is nothing concrete, not even a particle of policy or plan.  His approach is isolationist, entrenched, submerged in paranoia. A visionary is one who looks beyond the current situation and envisions a new world based upon—wait, this is important—what’s best for EVERYONE. A new approach inspires innovation. What ...

TRUMPED So there was that—the time America participated in global diplomacy. I know I do a lot of railing on Trump at this blog which is supposed to be about memories and writing flash memoir. This might be because Trump triggers stuff inside of me, stuff I thought I’d taken care of, a past I’d squished down and hidden away in a drawer. For anyone who has lived with a mentally ill parent and survived all the uncertainty that comes with that experience might know what I mean. You have no control; you are at the whim of a capricious mother who might suddenly change her mind and throw your life into a whirlwind. In fact you learn not to trust. You build up walls in order to cope. Pretend you really didn’t want to go to camp anyway. Or you didn’t need the car after all. You can’t count on the adults around you. But a president— I guess I thought there were certain jobs where the person had to be in charge, knowledgeable, capable. Not crazy or perfidious. Machiavellian,...

Book Review Vietnam: The History of the War Russell Freedman I’ve been on a Russell Freedman kick lately. I love his histories filled with interesting pictures. The books might be classified as picture books for young adults. Indeed, his Lincoln: A Photobiography won the Newbery Award. A few years back I read his book on the Wright Brothers—probably because I’m from Dayton, Ohio and as a schoolchild I visited many of the historic sites where the brothers lived and practiced flying. (Though their bike shop is in Greenfield Village, scooped up by Henry Ford and displaced to Dearborn, Michigan). Anyway, it is somewhat a miracle that the Wright Brothers invented the airplane. Of course, I always feel like that when boarding a plane. How does this work! What keep this thing from falling from the sky?! Only one of the brothers bothered finishing high school. They started first with the printing press, selling broadsides etc. Then saw the rage for bicycling and moved on to...

You see I’m in such a hurry to get it over with I’m already speculating on what a post-Trump age will look like. Philosophically speaking, because all that carnage he eluded to in his inauguration speech will be the world post-Trump ie bad laws, bad water, bad leaders, people afraid, hiding, stockpiling=all these descriptions might actually apply to a Trump administration. Some people are coping by tuning out—ie avoiding the news, the Internet (which might be good since Trump wants to rip it out: Dec 8, 2015 - Donald Trump has called for a shutdown of the Internet in certain areas to stop the spread of terror. ... He recommended a discussion with Bill Gates to shut off parts of the Internet.) I have friends who range on the scale of Internet use from Neanderthal to Little House on the Prairie. They simply have decided they’re going to have nothing to do with Facebook, the news, the TV, radio . . . . and go live in the woods of New Hampshire—where I’m sure they still can get the ...

I’d like to think of the M & M World store in New York City as a metaphor for the universe. Store really isn’t the right word. More like hedonism. I remember the first time we entered the emporium. We were on vacation with another couple and had landed in Times Square. You know the Naked Cowboy, people dressed up like Dora the Explorer imploring you to have your picture taken with them (for a price), commercials being shot, traffic, confusion, lights! Now imagine something more distracting than all this: yes, M & M World. A store dedicated to chocolate candy. How crazy can this be? You enter and are overwhelmed by the cathedral ceilings, church for the chocoholic. Two-stories connected by frenetic escalators. Everyone there seems to be jacked up on sugar. You are greeted by an energetic young M & M retailer and given a sack. Hopefully to fill up with M & M merchandise. It’s not just about the zot-size candies, but about purchasing cute canisters, mugs, M ...

I love the work of Russell Freedman, who writes  for the YA audience non-fiction, historical essays using photographs as a foundation for his work. He has been awarded the Newbery Medal, three Newbery Honors, the Sibert Medal, and well the list goes on. In 2016 he published We Will Not Be Silent: The White Rose Student Resistance Movement that Defied Hitler . Basically it is the story of how the millennials of that time stood up to their government. Can you imagine? These were mostly middle-class, sheltered college students. The ones comedian Ck Louis claims cannot stop looking at their cell phones long enough to have a conversation. Brother and sister Hans and Sophie Scholl and young father of three Christoph Probst were initially arrested but then the dragnet fanned out and others were caught and convicted. Yet it is these three who are most easily identified with the movement. Certainly they paid with their lives. They put out altogether 5 or 6 pamphlets—...

In light of last week (Sean Spicer claiming Hitler had never gassed his own people) I had to take a few days to process this. I had to sort of what bothered me the most. But, first let’s look at what he said: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/11/us/politics/sean-spicer-hitler-gas-holocaust-center.html But first of all: This was an unforced error—he didn’t have to say anything. He was talking off the top of his head, comparing Assad to Hitler. All of this was Spicer’s attempt to defend Trump’s aggressive retaliation (59 or 60 missiles, the number I wasn’t able to nail down) on Shayrat Airfield because of an earlier chemical attack authorized by Assad. This is despicable. Saddam Hussein gassed his own people, Kurds. Poison gas was used in both WWI and WWII. From all appearances it appears to be a horrible way to die. Nevertheless, Sean Spicer sought to invoke a comparison to Hitler when discussing the US response. And here is where he got tripped up. I’m still not sure...

Ruminating this week on aspects of the biblical story: the first Easter. I’m always brought back to this feeling—the collapse of the whole world. How it must’ve felt for followers of Christ. A very public humiliating grotesque crucifixion, utter defeat, betrayal and broken promises. Probably how a millennial feminist must feel in post-election America right now. Pretty let down, much like giving up, wanting to turn your back. I’m no millennial, but the day after Trump was elected I couldn’t figure out how I was going to go on. Where was my place in a country that had elected the antithesis of Obama? And, as the days went on, and videos of people scourging Mexicans, Arabs, and the perceived “other” played out, I became more and more convinced that I was in the midst of an apocalypse. The first Easter is a story of losing hope and tenuously proceeding when we cannot see around the next corner. Miracle was even too big a word. Yet there it was unfolding. As a kid I always...

Last week Donald Trump introduced a 2017 budget that de-funded the National Endowment for the Arts which assists individual artist but also grants monies to non-profits, arts training programs, public arts projects. He isn’t the first president to try and write the NEA and the National Endowment for the Humanities out of existence—that title would go to Ronald Reagan. I love how funding art becomes a political football, something to be booted back and forth. Of course Hitler loved art. In fact he fancied himself a painter. During his chancellorship he actively collected art, as did many in the Reich, much of it confiscated. The period before Hitler came to power in 1933 was known as Weimar. Weimar Germany was famous for an explosion in Modernistic expression—expressionism, Dada, cubism and impressionism. Artists such as Paul Klee, Wassily Kandinsky, Otto Dix, and Max Ernst  contributed to the avant-garde movement. Hitler had stated clearly in ‘Mein Kampf’ where his t...

Night by Elie Wiesel Review Lately I’ve recalled reading the small memoir Night by Elie Wiesel. Something troubling in today’s current political scene brought it to mind. I believe I last read it when in high school, but the story has never let me go. If it happened then, it could happen now. The way evil creeps up and grips you by the throat. No one ever imagined it would happen. I remember in 2015 standing on the grassy bank of Lake Michigan laughing with a friend about the clumsy, cloddy candidate Trump. What a train wreck! Now here he is president of the United States, and no one’s laughing. That’s what struck me the most when re-reading Night , no one saw it coming. It began so incrementally. Civil rights nibbled away. Further and further restrictions. Moving back into the ghetto. Forced to quit school, hide. Back then they assured themselves that this won’t be forever, just as we tell ourselves that we can put up with anything for “four years.” As a fifteen ye...

When I first came to Chicago in the early 80s I volunteered at a city mission. It was fairly disorganized and chaotic. I never knew from one day to the next what my assignment would be. Often the mission got requests from the elderly for help with household chores. Some of this was ridiculous—they didn’t need help, they needed a bulldozer. I got used to heading out with an address in my pocket expecting anything. I remember wading through an apartment filled thigh-high with trash. Mixed in were bags of money, just randomly tossed about. I wrote about visiting Ida and her vermin-filled apartment. Later she was found dead beneath a blanket of newspapers. ( see "That Which I Should Have Done I Did Not Do", Spring 2012, Adroit Journal) The point is you didn’t know what you’d get. In these current unsettling times I’ve been having déjà vu. My mind keeps flashing back to past visitation ladies. Back then Ronald Reagan had been elected on a wave of populism. Supposed...