Emotional Intelligence

There are times at my bike shop where we are dead as door nails and then for some reason the place fills up. I happened to be helping a couple make up their mind about a bike, assisting them in trying several out in the back parking lot. I came in to retrieve a new sample for them to try to find more customers than sales clerks. A father and daughter pair were test-riding an adult trike within our narrow aisles, which wasn’t okay, while another guy, a white male was close by them mimicking the pair’s language, I’m guessing Chinese. He turned to me, and said, “I’m not sure this is racist or not?”

I assured him it was. One) What’s going on? Where are the sales help? And, Two) Why is this man making fun of these customers? The shop needs to be a safe place for everyone. I looked him straight in the eye and replied, Yes it is.

I later ruminated over this scene. How is it some folks think it is okay to act this way? It wasn’t just him, but other incidents that have made me ask this same question. Sensitivity toward others. Empathy, as a directive, an emotional guide, or at least provides guardrails to behavior. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you, is certainly the most well-known and basic maxim or rationale for empathy.

Scientists and educators call this emotional intelligence, and it is often not taught but intuited. Definition from the internet: Emotional intelligence the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. (When, in fact, the teaching of or making students aware of feelings is now a hot-button wedge issue associated with “woke” ideas.)

Emotional intelligence is a higher intelligence than, say, remembering the date the Trade Towers came down (9/11). I know a young man, Stuart Brown, who can barely write his name who is developmentally challenged, but who can intuit situations with a high capability that astounds me. One time I was having a hard day and needed to move some heavy boxes. I was mentally and physically spent. Stuart saw me and offered help. I was grumpy and said no, thanks. He ignored me, not because he was being rude but because he saw a way to be of help. He walked beside me. He got the door. He had me set the boxes down that were wobbling. He took one off the top. He didn’t try to tell me I was grumpy or ridiculous or wrong about not needing help, he just walked beside me. We got the boxes to a storage shelf in the basement of my building. Stuart likes to shout Good job!. He told me Good job! and left. He knew exactly what to do.

All this to say, the other night as my grandson was taking a bath I mentioned to my daughter I had a bug bite. Jack interrupted his play to ask: Does it hurt? I was surprised—one) that he was paying attention, and, two) the level of emotional intelligence it took to ask that question as he is not even 3 years yet. He cared.

Caring is what some folks lack. The ability to look beyond themselves. I’m not sure how we nurture this, but we can always reward it when we see it with acknowledgement, kindness, a smile.

How we are Smart, W. Nikola-Lisa

Is a good place to start