That Sinking Feeling

I know we all have highs and lows, but as I’m getting older there are periods when apprehension grips me.

It hit me last weekend when I was out on my bike and the front gearing failed. You see, I’d just gotten the bike out of the shop where I’d had it in for a tune-up, so this seemed like weird timing. Then I came home and took a shower and did a load of laundry—laundry that took ALL day as the washing machine also failed.  This time, we all think, could be its last, but, nevertheless, we have called in a repairperson. One more thing to fix. Plus, Google keeps telling me I'm about to lose data or access to photos, emails, etc unless I pay a monthly subscription fee.

Then there’s the election and the wildcard games for the baseball playoffs.  Just watching my co-workers’ tense faces as the Detroit Tigers played . . . I’m not even sure against whom (it’s a whole other league from the one the Cubs play in) was very stressful. It seems so much of our livelihood and happiness rides upon the outcome of future events. And, none of this I have control over.

There are tools in my emotional toolbox, but I don’t care to employ them—it’s just there looming over me . . . this feeling of impending doom.

Until it goes away all by itself or subsides or is moved by some kind of intentional action exerted by myself. I’m getting paid well and have money to make these repairs. I have a support system and the folks at my job are super encouraging (which makes a big difference), so why this dark cloud?

Just sharing, wondering if this is typical of my peers also experiencing aging. Or do we bottle things up and just go on like it’s nothing.

The wars, Gaza and Palestine, the hurricanes, flooding in North Carolina. I just want to do something, but can’t. My friends’ and family’s happiness, their worries are also things I cannot help with, though I do love them.

Perhaps, this is when we dig deep and give stuff over to God, the universe, to a Higher Power. Pray for Peace.