Facing Fear

I continually ask myself—Why? Why do I go on? Why do I harass myself by trying to write? Planning a hike to the Arctic Circle end of August (Kungsleden)?

Sometimes all I want to do is stay in my comfort zone—out in the garden or in my Tiny House with a mug of tea. Then . . .

I remember. As human beings we continually need to be challenged. I see what happens when people stop. When we park as close to the store entrance as possible and get out of the car and minimize our steps and daily encounters. We shrivel up and lose mobility and become less interesting. Psychologically we suffer as well as physically. Yet—it’s so easy to give in to this temptation.

I’ve been struggling with this so much lately.

To be honest, I’m scared. And when this curtain falls over me, I know I must recover. Throw it off. Face my fears.

Another admission: many of the things I fear or worry about are simply made up. Borrowed. Not necessarily the enemy at the front door. Though, equally as crushing.

Like in my 20s, 30s, 40s—as we enter every stage in life, it all comes down to mortality. At age 66 (almost 67) it is something I face every day. I might easily forget about how old I am except that I am reminded by those around me and, of course, the mirror doesn’t lie. Yet, even looking at myself in the glass I am not convinced I am old. Yes, there is the white wiry unruly hair and the lines, let’s call them wrinkles. On the other hand, I am practicing with my pack a couple times this week, 26 pounds for 6-7 miles. I bicycle everywhere as I have no car. I work 25 hours a week at the shoe store. I cook and prepare food from scratch.—Inside I do not feel old.

I’m grateful for my health. For, at any age, we can be laid low, undone. I’m thinking here of a good friend who complained of pancreatitis; she went into the hospital eight weeks ago and has never come out. There has been a cascade of infections and “discoveries” that have set her back. She’s younger than me.

Again, I don’t know the rhyme or reason.

So I come to the blank page feeling in my bones my vulnerability these days while outside the sun is shining and I ask myself: Why?

Sometimes the only answer is because I need to keep going.

Similar to religious practice. Thank you Chat Gpt= Religious practice encompasses the actions, rituals, and behaviors associated with a person's faith. These practices can be individual or communal, and they vary greatly between different religions and even within the same religion. Essentially, religious practice is how a person lives out their beliefs, whether through formal rituals, personal devotions, or participation in community activities

As we wake up and go about our day, we perform the mundane necessary tasks of being a human being. Part of this is taking on challenges. We live out what we know is right and good for us by facing our fears, saying no to the temptation to give in, and cringingly going forth—even if it is only walking from the back of the parking lot or writing a solitary blog post. Because after days of “practice” I will make a book and do an epic hike.